Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i drank out of a bidet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
