if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
