So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
