Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
