Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
