I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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