Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
