I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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