I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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