You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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