I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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