Swine flu is the new snow day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
