nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
