Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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