I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
