she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
