ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
