So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
