Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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