sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
