Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
