i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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