Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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