oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
