Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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