I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
