there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize