Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
