I puked a lego.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
