This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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