whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
