So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
vagina is talking i cant
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
