separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She bit a glass in half.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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