no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
