I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were destined to go to rehab together
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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