i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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