He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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