If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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