I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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