My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
