i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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