I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
