I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
