I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
