my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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