there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
