And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
