I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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