brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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