should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
