There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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