drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
