where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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