I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
