did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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