he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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