Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
