I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
