I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
