Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
