from now on my penis is your penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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