is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
