I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
