its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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