ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
