he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
