I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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