Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
