piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
