last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
