I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i will never coherently bang her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
