I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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