please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
