there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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