how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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