I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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