so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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