A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
