when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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