Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
