I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize